The good side

I was thinking the other day about some of the advantages to having a small child with glasses – beyond the obvious reason that it helps them to see. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

  • When pinkeye starts going around daycare, she doesn’t catch it or spread it around, because she can’t rub her eyes as easily.
  • When learning to use a fork, she’s less likely to poke herself in the eye.
  • Cute glasses mean strangers fail to notice the stains on her shirt.

OK, I’m sure there’s more. Please add any that you come up with.

MyFranklin


MyFranklin

Originally uploaded by Ann Felicia

I deleted this picture of my son from my “Glasses Wars” blog entry because it was just too big! I have a flickr account I use for work, so I’m trying to connect the photo through there. For anyone like me trying to get a handle on Web 2.0, some of these things are such a pain in the bum!

Hello!

A big welcome to anyone stopping by from preemie blog moms! And of course to anyone else who’s happened to find this blog. I hope you’ll find something of interest, and / or share some of your own thoughts. Leave a comment to introduce yourself and let us know you’re reading. I’ve also recently added more links to the resources page. Please take a look and let me know what else should go there.

Glasses Wars

Ann Z, good post. Why is it so hard for us? It made me think of some of the initial feelings I had too, beyond the heart sinking part. The worst for me was thinking that, in some way (and this is hard to admit), Franklin wasn’t perfect anymore. How horrible is that? As if glasses diminished anything else awesome about him, what an idiot I am! And me being someone who wears glasses too, GOOD LORD. My other initial feeling was being sad that Franklin would now be dependent on glasses his whole life like I am . . . I am so blind that I have seriously dropped my glasses next to my bed and spent a good 10 minutes on all fours patting around until I found them (in the early morning light, but still). I’m afraid of heights partly because as a kid, I was afraid my glasses would fall off my face and I wouldn’t be able to see. I guess my feelings about Franklin wearing glasses were tied to my own “therapy issues” about them, and that was hard to admit and move past. However, like Ann Z, I, too, think my baby looks adorable in his glasses and feel pretty good that his vision can be corrected. Plus, Franklin’s a character to begin with, so it sort of ads to his geeky-chic persona. 🙂


At any rate, with this post I wanted to talk a bit about when we bought Franklin’s first pair of glasses. Our optometrist had a glasses boutique in his office, and given my own recent trauma buying my glasses at Lenscrafters (love the frames, wish I didn’t have to go back 4 TIMES until they got the lenses right! ACK!), I assumed he would have the best selection, customer service, return policies, etc. However, when he brought us to the wall of children’s frames, I was actually disappointed in the selection. Franklin’s size was the smallest they carried, (nothing for toddlers at all) and they had maybe 4 frames total for him to choose from. Lucky for Franklin, they were either SpongeBob SquarePants or Jimmy Neutron, so he only had to pick which character he wanted. We eventually settled on Jimmy Neutron because a) they had a space ship on the side and b) they had an actual picture of Jimmy Neutron on the bows and c) they fit his face. See photos to gaze upon the true glory of Franklin’s glasses.

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Anyway, picking out the frames was the easy part. When we started talking about lenses, the optometrist started talking about how scratch-free coating was extra, glare-free coating was extra, poly-thin glass was extra (or whatever they call that stuff) . . . basically everything was extra. I will say that he recommended we not get all the bells and whistles for Franklin anyway because he’d outgrow the frame/prescription too soon to make it worth it, but still. I mumbled OK like a good little drone and went along with whatever the doctor told me Franklin needed (I was still in shock), and ended up paying $250 for the Jimmy Neutron frames and lenses.

Basically, they’re fine. Franklin loves them and loves showing people the little picture of Jimmy Neutron on the bows. However, the first weekend we had them, the screw fell out on one side. We put it back in and the next day it fell out again. Hmmm. We called the doctor, and they said they’d just replace the frames on warrenty, no problem. Three days later, Franklin had a new pair of Jimmy Neutron frames. Everyone was happy until about 4 weeks later when, somehow, a stuffed animal hit Franklin in the face at daycare (“MOM, it came out of nowhere!”) and the frames broke. A weld came unwelded and one lens popped out. Thus begins another chapter in this story, which I’m going to have to finish in my next post because Franklin needs to go to bed. He’s actually watching Jimmy Neutron now and thinks he needs to finish the show because his glasses miss their friends. Seriously. Damn you Nickelodeon Marketing People!!!!

why is it so hard for us?

Annfelicia’s post about her heart sinking when she heard the news that Franklin needed glasses reminded me so much of my reaction. Even though I’ve had glasses since I was 10, and as an adult, I’ve really embraced how fun it can be to choose glasses, I have to admit to being upset that Zoe needed glasses, though I couldn’t really put my finger on what it was that bothered me. I felt similarly ambivalent once she actually got the glasses and we started trying to get her to wear them. I was really surprised by how unhappy I was about it.

I wrote the following on my other blog the night that she got her glasses:

I’m trying really hard to stay positive about all of this. It helps that there are a lot of cute choices for glasses and that they can make the lenses thin so you don’t get the super magnified eye distortion. I feel shallow for being caught up in Zoe’s appearance in the glasses – especially since I wear glasses and even enjoy shopping for them – so I’m not entirely sure what my problem is. Maybe I’m worried that everyone will focus on the glasses rather than on her, I just don’t know. And part of it (and this is the terribly embarrassing shallow part) is that I had set aside flex money to splurge on a new pair of glasses for myself, and her glasses ate up 2/3 of that money. Of course, if it corrects the crossed eyes and keeps her from needing surgery (the next step if glasses don’t work), then I’m all for it. Maybe once she’s bigger we can shop for frames together.

Gah, what’s wrong with me? I just keep looking at all the pictures we took today of her in her glasses (most of which only show her side or top of her head – she just doesn’t hold still or pose for pictures). It’s like I need to keep looking at them to convince myself that it’s her. Ridiculous. She’s still the same girl. Just with a slightly more bookish air to her.

I wonder what it is that caused this reaction, and whether others have had similar feelings when their child got glasses. For me, it was partly the change in her appearance with glasses, partly the fear that the glasses wouldn’t help, and partly a fear that she would forever be identified as the kid with glasses, but even those reasons just don’t totally explain everything I was feeling.

For what it’s worth, I got over it pretty quickly, and now think she looks adorable in her glasses (see picture below for evidence), and strange without them. She does get a lot of attention because of her glasses, but it’s almost all positive attention, and I’ve learned to have quick answers on hand for questions of how they knew she needed glasses, and how we got her to keep them on. I also ended up still splurging on glasses for myself.

Getting glasses for Zoe

Our ophthalmologist recommended that we go to an eyeglasses shop specifically for kids, but as we were leaving her assistant came and found us as we were leaving and told us it’d be cheaper to go somewhere like Sam’s Club. That’s probably true, but we decided that since Zoe was only 14 months, we really wanted at least the first set of glasses to come from a place that really understood what small kids need in eye glasses.

I’m really glad we did that, because the place we went (Glasses Menagerie, for those in the Twin Cities area) was great. The things that made it great are the things I’d look for when choosing a place to buy toddler glasses from:

  1. It should have a space designed for children. They had a huge fish tank, and plenty of toys in the waiting area, and the place just generally seemed welcoming and a fun place for a kid to be. Zoe is always happy when we go there.
  2. The staff should know how to deal with small children, and should be comfortable working with kids even when they’re crying and/or squirmy. When Zoe was crying while we were picking out frames, the person working with us must have seen how worried we were about annoying them. She very kindly told us that they’re used to young children crying, and it doesn’t bother them at all. And since all the other customers were families with kids, they seemed to understand, too.
  3. The staff should be knowledgeable in fitting glasses to small children, and be able to do it quickly and accurately. I can’t imagine it’s easy to measure the distance between the eyes of a very upset little girl who wants nothing to do with anything else touching her face. But they managed.
  4. Your child’s prescription will likely change in a relatively small amount of time. See if they offer any discounts on re-making the glasses when the prescription changes. Our place replaces lenses for free if the prescription changes in the first month, and charges 50% if it changes in the first 9 months. Zoe’s prescription did change after her first follow-up appointment (which happily fell within the one month time period). I’m almost certain it will change again before the 9 months are up.
  5. They should offer, and be happy to provide, free adjustments to the glasses whenever you need them. Your kid will be hard on the glasses, they’ll get bent, the screws may fall out, whatever the reason, they’ll stop fitting nearly as well. You should feel comfortable stopping back in, a lot, to get them re-adjusted.

The staff there also gave us very welcome advice on how to choose glasses, and some hints on getting kids to wear their glasses:

  1. Go ahead and get glasses that are brightly colored and fun. Your child will have plenty of time for understated, sophisticated, boring glasses when they’re grown. For now, go ahead and get frames that reflect their fun side. We thought that with Zoe’s coloring, she’d look good in nice tortoiseshell frames, but they just looked boring on someone so little.
  2. When putting glasses on your child, do it with with a smile. While we were trying glasses on Zoe, she was crying and we were getting upset, too, and kept apologizing to her. The person we worked with recommended that instead, we show her how happy we are when we put glasses on her (even when we aren’t). It didn’t completely stop her crying, but she definitely calmed down a notch once we started acting happier.
  3. When starting out with the glasses, your child will try to take them off. If they do, simply put them back on with a smile. If they don’t let you put them on, don’t make a big deal, simply set them aside and try again in a half hour. It took about 2 weeks for Zoe to get to a point where she leaves the glasses on most of the time.
  4. Take off your child’s glasses when they’re in the car – at least at the beginning. It’s likely they’ll take off their glasses and throw them somewhere where they might fall out of the car or get smushed when you open the door.

Excuse me, my son needs what?

My personal journey with glasses began when I was about 6 or 7. I thought my sister and brother looked super cool in their glasses, so in an effort to try and copy them, I sort of fudged on the eye exam. What The Heck was I thinking? I would have needed glasses eventually anyway, but geez, little did I know. So, when my husband brought Franklin home from his 3 yr old screen with the local school district and said they noticed a problem in his right eye, my heart sank. He told me that when they covered his eye and asked him to read the letters, he started trying to cheat and use his left eye. They thought it looked questionable and he should see an optometrist, so I immediately made an appointment. As Ann Z said, glasses aren’t the worst thing in the world for our children, but having lived a life of dependence on either glasses or contacts myself, I knew the crap he’d be in for.

The first thing our optometrist did was have Franklin look into what looks like strange binoculars and try and focus on a picture of a cartoon farm house. If you’ve ever had your eyes checked, you probably know what I’m talking about. The idea is you try and focus while the doctor purposely brings the picture in and out of focus to watch how your eyes react. He looked for about 30 seconds before putting the contraption down and telling me Franklin would need glasses. Again, my heart sank. We moved into the exam room and he went through the usual routine, then he gave me the diagnosis. Basically, Franklin’s right eye is far-sighted and his left eye is near-sighted, so his right eye was starting to atrophy and fall to the side so he could focus out of his better eye, the left. I was told Franklin would always need glasses or contacts and that Lasik probably wouldn’t help. The doctor could see I felt bad and told me again and again that there was no way either my husband or I could have noticed it ourselves, but good ol’parent guilt set in and I kicked myself in the butt for not noticing a problem. But still, thank God someone noticed something and we got Franklin in before the problem got any worse. The next step was picking out glasses…stay tuned!

another Ann

I’m very happy to announce that a good friend of mine, also named Ann (we also both have brothers with the same name, who happen to live in the same area, we’re both librarians, and we both have kids with glasses, it’s starting to get spooky), has agreed to contribute to Little Four Eyes.  Her son is nearly 4 and has just gotten glasses.  I look forward to reading her stories and thoughts.

resources page

I’m putting together a page on Internet resources that I’ve found to be of use when looking for information on vision problems, glasses, and related-topics for kids. The page is linked in the side bar. Please let me know if you know of other resources that should be listed. And check back, as I plan to update it whenever I find something, though I’ll try to post when I find pages that are particularly helpful or interesting.

I’d also be interested in kid’s books that are either about glasses, or that feature main characters with glasses. Once I have a few books, we’ll keep another page with titles organized by age group.

how did they know she needed glasses? Part II

We were reassured after the first eye appointment, and didn’t really worry about it until around her first birthday when we noticed her eyes crossing a lot more again – specifically, it seemed that her right eye was turning in.

This time we sent digital photos to the ophthalmologist and based on the pictures, she agreed that we needed to bring her in. Before that, though, she wanted us to try patching Zoe’s left eye to strengthen her right eye for a few weeks to see if there was any improvement. She also warned us that it would not be fun or easy.

She was right, Zoe did not like having the eye patch put on. But once it was on, she was pretty much ok. I wish I knew the secret to her keeping the patch on, but in reality, she never tried to take it off. She only needed to wear it for about 4 hours each day, but that meant putting it on before daycare, and then letting the teachers know they should take it off before putting her down for her morning nap. Eventually, she got used to us putting the patch on, and I was optimistic, because she seemed to have no trouble seeing through the right eye when her left was patched, but in the end, the patching made no real difference.

At this next appointment the ophthalmologist determined that both eyes seemed to turn in at different times, and it was probably due to her being far-sighted and needing to cross her eyes to focus. She then held up lenses of varying strength in front of Z’s eyes while holding a toy nearby to see if that lens seemed to correct the crossed eyes. Since Z can’t read yet, it isn’t as important that she see closeup with crystal clarity so much as it’s important that her brain get used to her eyes working together. So, with the closest guess at a prescription in hand, we headed off to get glasses.

how did they even know she needed glasses?

Probably the most frequently asked question I get is how we knew that Zoe needed glasses. And fair enough. Zoe’s not a big talker yet, it’s not like she could read off letters on a vision chart or anything like that.

Around nine months, we noticed that Zoe’s eyes weren’t always aligned.

(notice that even though the eyes are not perfectly aligned, the reflection from the flash is in the center of both pupils)

We mentioned it to our pediatrician at her 9-month appointment. Of course, on that day, Z’s eyes were perfectly straight, but luckily our pediatrician believed us and recommended that we contact an ophthalmologist about it. She also recommended that we bring with us pictures in which she looked cross-eyed. This was a great suggestion!

So I’ll reiterate. If you are taking your child in for an initial visit because you notice his or her eyes not lining up correctly, snap a few pictures (especially with flash) and bring them with you. That way, even if your child’s eyes are perfectly aligned that day, you can still show the doctor what you’re seeing.

At that first appointment, they used cards with a square of alternating black and white stripes to measure her vision. You know how if you look at thin black and white alternating stripes it kind of looks like they’re moving? Well that’s the concept they use with the cards. If the baby notices the square, then they assume she can differentiate between the black and white lines. They show cards with progressively thinner lines until the baby doesn’t notice them at all. They also dilated Zoe’s eyes to get a closer look. In all, I’d say Zoe liked the eye doctor visit less than any pediatrician’s visit, even one with shots.

Based on looking at her eyes while dilated, the ophthalmologist noticed that Zoe was more farsighted than normal (all babies are a bit farsighted), and she agreed with us that Zoe’s eyes weren’t always aligned, but she wasn’t too concerned and told us to keep an eye on her, and watch particularly for photos where the flash reflection in the eyes are not in the same place on both eyes. At that time, all of her pictures had the flash reflections lined up.


(an example of a picture taken a few months later of Zoe’s eyes not lined up and the flash reflection not being in the same part of the eyes).

invitation

Oh yeah, if you’re interested in writing for this blog, let me know.  I’m not a huge fan of just listening to myself.

So your toddler needs glasses?

My daughter Zoe got glasses at the age of 14 months to correct strabismus due to her being far-sighted.

This is her on her first day with glasses

It’s been 3 months (is that all? seems like so much more) now that she’s had her glasses and she’s doing well with them, but I still find myself wanting to connect with other parents of young toddlers with glasses. How do you deal with your kid flinging their glasses off? How is it going in daycare with other kids curious about your child’s glasses? How do you know if the glasses are helping? When will she learn how to put the glasses on herself? When I’ve looked for answers or even just discussions about this stuff, I’ve found mostly information for older kids with glasses -which makes sense, most kids get glasses later on when they’re old enough to understand a bit better. Given the web searches that others have used to find my other blog, where I’ve talked a bit about the Z girl and her specs, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

If only there were some way of connecting with other parents in situations like ours – some way of reaching across the geographic distance – some kind of interconnected network of communication – an “internet” if you will. Wait…

So I decided to start this blog. I figure I’ll post mainly about our experiences with Zoe’s glasses, and link to any resources I find that seem helpful. I’m hoping that others will find this and join in a conversation. If you have a website or blog about toddlers and glasses or related topics, please let me know and I’ll link to it.